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| Sometimes I wish I wasn't me.
But then I remember that you're supposed to like yourself...and that people respect you more if you have high self-esteem. It's more socially accepted for people to be happy and content with themselves.
Then I pretend to be happy to be me. | | |
| So rejection is stinky. It's really messing with my emotions. I get all bipolar. I need a mental health day. Cx This is a short clip of my thought process: -"Sigh, wasn't good enough to be accepted...THEY DON'T LOVE ME!"
-"That's okay, I'll find a better university to attend. I don't need them!"
-"But that was my faveeee! What better college would there be?"
-"Well, you DID get into Rutgers...congrats! Rah-rah Rutgers!"
-"Rutgers?! GAH! I can't go to Rutgers! I don't even like the color red!"
-"Yo, you totally got denied. Not even deferred - rejected."
-"Ouch. No, there's a better plan for me. Besides, I wouldn't want to study all day like the kids there do."
-"Mmmhmm...yeah."
-"Who am I kidding? I would have loved to study the way they do!"
-"Lies."
-"No worries, it was impossible to get in this year anyway. Stupid 5% acceptance rate."
-"I'm going to sit in my corner and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream."
-"But then I'll get fat!!"
-"No more grumpiness - more college apps to do."
-"These are ridiculous prompts. What song would I sing in a talent show? And only in 500 characters?" -"It's going to be one sad, lonely, depressed holiday season." Must finish applications before winter break... | | |
| So I read this somewhere...and thought it was the most hysterical thing ever. :]
In the Committee Room, also known as "The Room of Broken Dreams," there are a dozen or so people sorting through a pile of applications, shredding every few 2400s just for fun, pulling an application out of the 1900-2000 pile to accept, finding the child of two legacies to defer, and eliminating every third person with a hard to pronounce name.
With the applications that are left over, readers read the opening and closing paragraphs of each essay, check to see if the teacher recommendations are over a page in length, and look for a specific correlation between number of extra-curriculars and SAT scores, known as the Coefficient of Social Life. Those applications that do not pass those rigorous three criteria are rejected, except every fifth; they are deferred.
The remainders, about 1200, are pinned up on the walls of the Skull and Bones lair. The Bonesmen then fire paintball guns at the applications. If at the end of the firing session the name can still be made out, the applicant is accepted. If the Bonesmen make it so that less people are accepted than the required number, the admissions personnel select the lowest SAT scorer, the highest SAT scorer, the one with least ECs, the one with the most ECs, the one with the funniest name (ex. John Longdick), and the ones with semi-original essays from the rejected pole to accept to fulfill numbers.
Admissions is a party. They even needed more people to be on staff this year. Looking for a funny name was just becoming too tedious.
Cx
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| I'm finally beginning to feel overwhelmed. At first, it was merely
stress, but now I'm beginning to think I really can't get any of this
done. Early decision is due in 2 weeks...i need to record my arts
supplement before then (it'd be great if i knew WHAT i'll be singing)...finish these college essays...
Well obviously I can't get this done! Not alone...but "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 (ESV) :D Whew, thank goodness i have God on my side.
And besides, it's really not about me, right? Even though all I'm
writing about now is my successes, my talents,my hobbies, my 300+
community service hours, my honors/recognitions, my priorities, my
diversity, my extracurriculars, my overall awesomeness (teehee, jk)...who really cares?!
I think I need to stop focusing on myself, my own strength and
start relying on God a bit more. He already knows where I'm going...all
I do now is do my best to make it happen. It's like a wake-up call for
me to stop worrying so much about college essays and AP work (although
i must admit - they stress me out so much).
"Cast your burden on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22 (ESV)
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be
anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34 (ESV)
Feeling comforted, energized, encouraged!! --Ok. back to work. ;] | | |
| No, not Spiderman, Superman, or Batman. Cx Peace really is eluding me right now.
I'm a maelstrom of emotions and confusion.
I'm frustrated.
I wish I could have that tranquility...serenity...
I'm one person at school...and completely different anywhere else.
Nothing seems to be going right... And yet...things are right. In fact, they're perfect.
He has made a certain plan and there's a reason everything's happening.
There's a reason I'm stressed and moody. >< God's giving me this wake up call...
And now that I've somewhat woken up, I can attempt to think rationally about things. Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding...
God's peace doesn't make sense to others. How could anyone be so full of joy and contentment after *insert tribulation/trials here*? Colassians 3:15 - Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
So I'm stressed about: school/grades; college searching; singing/acting; social aspects of life (or lack thereof); upcoming performances; parents and siblings. But on the flip side...
At least I have a good school to go to, the opportunity to go to a college, amazing friends I can talk to, the opportunity to perform, a family who loves me. I need to take a break from trivial matters....and focus on the important. Something that's eternally important. Jude 1:2- Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. C: | | |
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